Symbol Of Hope - Etched!

Since college, I have wanted to do a few things in life. Getting a tattoo, tasting alcohol were on top of the list. Most importantly, it was the tattoo.

No peer pressure was involved for the thought to seep into my head. For that matter, coming from a small town, people wouldn't even think of getting a tattoo. But it was always at the back of my head, may be in my sub conscious if I can say that. And after college I moved to Bangalore, yes where I found myself in more ways than one. I started earning, being conscious on spending each penny.

Very few of my friends here had a tattoo. But they did. I was pondering since months on the design. If I am getting something etched in me, it has to be meaningful and something I love. And finally one day my ex-colleague got a huge tattoo done on her back. A huge Shiva. And that's when I got serious on the design. I wanted symbols of hope and faith, which didn't exist except in Chinese! No way was I going to get something done in a language that I cannot even understand, forget reading. A friend suggested a phoenix because it stands for hope. I did my own bit of research and fell in love with the phoenix. It was going to be a phoenix.

I got in touch with my artist friend and told him the whole story. He sent me the designs and after a few mails of editing, re-editing the design, I finalised one with the help of my friends. It had to be that design on my ankle. Oh yes! Choosing the place for the tattoo was another task. I didn't want it on my arm or shoulder - those were done to death places. And again it had to be a place where it would be visible to *me*. A definite confession would be that I also chose the place because of the tight skin, so that the process is less painful and when I grow old, the skin stays the same way :-D (my own logic)

As I put down my papers to join another company, I decided it had to be this time to get the tattoo done. A new chapter was to begin, had to commence with a bang! I found nobody who could accompany me that day to the tattoo studio, and I had got the appointment after much request. So I decided to head alone, only to find that a friend who stayed near the studio was excited to see the whole process. Sometimes I wonder how I got the strength to go ahead and take such a huge step.... Am so glad I did find the strength that day.

After a 20 minute session I was stamped with the phoenix just above my ankle. Just the way I wanted it. It had come out in such a perfect manner, it was a beauty.

I walked out so proud of myself that day. A dream, though small, fulfilled. I couldn't have been more happier. Waking up to this every day was like a magic potion. It just makes my day, even after 5 months. Sometimes I cannot believe I got it done. Every day I fall in love with it over and over again. Something that I'll take to my grave. Something I will never regret, though elders in the family still might not like it. After all, I got it done for *me* and not for the world to see.

I know it's a small incident, may be a negligible one for others, but not for me. It reminds me every day that it is all about taking that one step for anything. It reminds me that I am headstrong, I am strong, I am me, I am hope. It's one of the best things I could've ever done.

And this one was a latest find which I totally agreed to:

She Gathers Herself...Because of Hope...

She is happy after a long time. After a long time because the situations around her kept changing for the worst and were ugly. Her friends would ask her, "What happened to you? You used to be so happy! You were the one I turned to for positivity. You were the one who found joy in every small thing! You were the one in my mind, when I was down because I knew you would pull me up and show me the reasons to be happy for. But what happened to you?" She said, "I miss myself. I miss myself so very badly."


She struggled everyday to find one reason to be happy. And even if she did find a reason, things around her would nullify it. Making her miss herself all the more. She began to wonder what went wrong and where. She was very well aware of the fact that she has only one life to live. She was missing the person inside her, who was aware of this so much, that she couldn't stop smiling a few months ago. She would ask questions to herself, seek answers from others, but nothing would help. 


But she never lost faith in Him. The first time when she was down, she wanted somebody to help her up, she wanted a shoulder to cry on. That's when she realised that you can be alone, even if you have a 1000 friends. That you shouldn't expect anything from any body. She is still learning to accept this fact though. And then she thought, "I will have to get up anyways - with or without anybody's help. Might as well do it by myself. And be independent of others." May be this was His way of telling her that you should learn to cope with situations alone. 


She started wondering if her past hasn't taught her enough. Was there more to come? But she had learnt to be strong, responsible, to have the right amount of attitude, even a stone at times! What was missing? She wondered if the dark clouds will ever move away to a house of their own! And then the sun rose! She was cheerful to see the sun dancing around with her. She enjoyed it to the core! But then she was let down again. For months she struggled. Her friends noticed this and questioned her.


She gathered herself, all by herself again. Without the help of her family or friends. She was proud for her belief that things will get better, as they did. The sun came out in the morning...stayed through the day...but the evening brought dark clouds again and shooed the sun away earlier than when he was bound to leave. She missed the sun. She wished it would stay for a bit long. Though she knew the sun would appear in the morning again, she was doubtful that it would make her happy. 


And she wondered....if she has done anything wrong again. But she knows she is a good human being. She will never want anything bad for anybody, unless the feeling of vengeance hits her. She is always ready to help others, without thinking whether they would help her or not. She always tries to keep others happy. Then why is she pulled down every time? Why does the sun disappear so fast from her life? She sometimes cries herself to bed. And she hates it when she does that. She hates the feeling of being helpless. 


But she sleeps with the hope that when she wakes up, she is all happy, positive again. And that she can be happy for a longer time this time. Her belief in good things keeps her going. She has learnt. Learnt a whole lot. Which makes her what she is today. A good human being.