Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Lessons learnt in silence....

(This was written by me around a year ago or more than that....)
My dad used to say, "The second child among the three always gets stuck!" He was the second among three brothers. Not that I believed him, but even I encountered his point in very few aspects of my life. My grandma was telling us that day, that my dad used to write with his left hand, but he was scolded & sometimes even beaten till he got into the habit of writing with his right hand. Probably he didn't like it, who knows! But he never expressed his feelings about that, as he always suppressed his feelings later in life too. He hardly told what he felt, especially when something he didn't like would happen. He was made to do what he didn't want to do.
I guess most of the kids (at least in India) are bound to do what they don't like to do, just because the parents want it (the scenario is changing now though). Dad never pressurised us in any of the matters. I loved my dad from the bottom of my heart. I appreciated whatever he did. I always saw him smiling & in a positive role, & I know that is how he was. I don't remember a single time when he was negative in any way. Not even when he was going through the pains & sufferings later..... As my uncle said & I agreed,"He fought like a tiger." In those years of his treatment too, he always smiled his evergreen smile...
I liked the man he was - a perfect son, brother, husband, father, friend. To him, friends mattered a lot, like they matter to me & my sister. He had maintained all kinds of relationships really well, & in a way - charmingly.
My family recalls how he used to hang out with friends. Their 'adda' was Coffee House. All of his friends & him used to meet & get into discussions. It was like a ritual for him. Their group was called DONKEY which had a full form too, but I don't remember it. Me & Di are like him in this matter too, except that our groups don't have names! Just give us a cup of coffee & friends! On we go chatting about all sorts of things. I like the fact that we are similar to him in some ways. Recently I started visiting Coffee House too, quiet frequently.
He was a good author in terms of whatever he wrote. His writings reflected the creativity inside him. He used to write introductory paras for Di's debates & speeches. And she won most of them. I somehow think that his contribution was a major factor for her winning. After all, the intro matters a lot in a speech. I too won a few prizes because of him. After his death, Di caught his style of writing the introduction of her debates & speeches, & her skills of public speaking added feathers to her cap. Dad must be so proud of her....
He always used to make both of us feel that he's proud of us....though he never said it....we knew. As my family tells me, he wanted only girls when mom was pregnant. He was proud since the day he became the father of two girls. When both of us were born, he distributed sweets to most of the staff in the hospital!! He had decided that his first girl will be named Anupama (after the movie by that name). It just amazes me how confident he was that his first child (& later the second) will be a daughter!!
He brought us up making us feel that we are the apple of his eyes. Infact, he always said,"Anu is my right eye & Niru is my left eye." When he told me that, as a child I would be immensely happy, & I still am. I still feel the excitement of those words & I'll cherish them all through. At his funeral, I didn't cry much....till Di came & reminded me of these same words....I was unstoppable after that.
His death made me feel less powerful. May be because I lost his support, his faith, his confidence. Whenever I am down or feel undecisive, I miss him the most. Because I know, that he would've smiled at me & my decisions. He would've believed in me. It would've been much better if he was around....I miss him...
I used to hear my friends say (& still do), that my father scolded me or beat me....And I would say to myself,"Dad never scolded me, forget beating!!" Infact when mom used to scold us or raise hands on us to beat, few times he would tell her to stop! That's how he was. I specifically remember one time when Peddamma came & asked dad to scold me because I was teasing her or something....He just said "Niru" in a slightly raised voice than ususal, & that's it!! I teased Peddamma all day saying that I told you he wouldn't do that.
He used to give Di & me different pet names, which changed periodically, sometimes based on current affairs! Like Akdu - Pakdu from Jungle Book, Budapest - Bucharest, Trinchomali - Battikalova, etc. Di was more than happy when she visited her Pet name City recently (Budapest). I am waiting for my turn....
Dad taught us everything about life in his own ways. He gave us freedom at the right time, & restricted us when he felt like (which was hardly ever). We learnt our freedom & limits quite well, & later he didn't have to tell us!!
He was a very calm man. Less talkative. But still silently eloquent. I could see the charm in those eyes, the love for his family, for life....
He took things in life as they came, but with that unmatchable, evergreen smile.
I learnt that from him.

8 comments:

Vinni said...

A very touchy post, and the chemistry built between you both and him is but remarkable and wonderfully penned.

Am sure, wherever he is now he must be very proud of his daughters!

A good read!

Nirupama said...

Thank you so much Big B! :)

prashant said...

a journey down the memory lane.. many things that I hardly remembered as a child came to me by this post.. a very touchy post.. :')

Nirupama said...

:) Thank you Percy.... I'm glad it managed to touch your heart :)

Krupakar said...

Very nice Niru. As Vinni said, he must certainly be proud of you both.

Nirupama said...

Thanks for the comment Krups Bhaiyya... I guess he is proud of us and sending his messages through lovely people like you :)

Vandana said...

Totally loved it Niru.. Touching..
I am sure there are many lessons that you girls learnt from him.. And he must be so proud!

Nirupama said...

Thank you so much Vandu :)