Saturday, August 28, 2010

She Gathers Herself...Because of Hope...

She is happy after a long time. After a long time because the situations around her kept changing for the worst and were ugly. Her friends would ask her, "What happened to you? You used to be so happy! You were the one I turned to for positivity. You were the one who found joy in every small thing! You were the one in my mind, when I was down because I knew you would pull me up and show me the reasons to be happy for. But what happened to you?" She said, "I miss myself. I miss myself so very badly."

She struggled everyday to find one reason to be happy. And even if she did find a reason, things around her would nullify it. Making her miss herself all the more. She began to wonder what went wrong and where. She was very well aware of the fact that she has only one life to live. She was missing the person inside her, who was aware of this so much, that she couldn't stop smiling a few months ago. She would ask questions to herself, seek answers from others, but nothing would help. 

But she never lost faith in Him. The first time when she was down, she wanted somebody to help her up, she wanted a shoulder to cry on. That's when she realised that you can be alone, even if you have a 1000 friends. That you shouldn't expect anything from any body. She is still learning to accept this fact though. And then she thought, "I will have to get up anyways - with or without anybody's help. Might as well do it by myself. And be independent of others." May be this was His way of telling her that you should learn to cope with situations alone. 

She started wondering if her past hasn't taught her enough. Was there more to come? But she had learnt to be strong, responsible, to have the right amount of attitude, even a stone at times! What was missing? She wondered if the dark clouds will ever move away to a house of their own! And then the sun rose! She was cheerful to see the sun dancing around with her. She enjoyed it to the core! But then she was let down again. For months she struggled. Her friends noticed this and questioned her.

She gathered herself, all by herself again. Without the help of her family or friends. She was proud for her belief that things will get better, as they did. The sun came out in the morning...stayed through the day...but the evening brought dark clouds again and shooed the sun away earlier than when he was bound to leave. She missed the sun. She wished it would stay for a bit long. Though she knew the sun would appear in the morning again, she was doubtful that it would make her happy. 

And she wondered....if she has done anything wrong again. But she knows she is a good human being. She will never want anything bad for anybody, unless the feeling of vengeance hits her. She is always ready to help others, without thinking whether they would help her or not. She always tries to keep others happy. Then why is she pulled down every time? Why does the sun disappear so fast from her life? She sometimes cries herself to bed. And she hates it when she does that. She hates the feeling of being helpless. 

But she sleeps with the hope that when she wakes up, she is all happy, positive again. And that she can be happy for a longer time this time. Her belief in good things keeps her going. She has learnt. Learnt a whole lot. Which makes her what she is today. A good human being. 

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I, Me, Myself

I got an article today in the mail. It was titled 'You are the one you are waiting for'. I liked the name of the article, without even reading it! Some thoughts struck me by looking at the name of the article itself, and I did go on to read it immediately, as I wanted to find out if what I was thinking was mentioned there.

I agreed with the very first line there : We spend a lot of our lives looking for role models, mentors, teachers and gurus to guide us on our path. I also agree that there is nothing wrong in it. But what makes us do that? Is it the fact that we don't trust ourselves, our instincts? Yes we can go wrong. In fact, we will not be right every time! It is after committing mistakes that we learn. It is after erring we learn to trust ourselves, our instincts. Look within yourself for answers first. Fight for your decision if you know you can do it. And there's always an option of turning to others for help, when you're confused. But don't go the other way around. Don't turn to others first.

It is said you should take risks. True. Go ahead with your decision. You'll find out if it was right or wrong. And always know that whatever happens, happens for a reason - whether you're right or wrong. Ones who fight for their decisions and go ahead with it are called rebels. Why? They're perfectly allowed to that, and are may be born to do that. They have immense trust in themselves. They fail. They commit mistakes. They learn. And still be a rebel. Bingo! A good way to lead the only life we have, I'll say.

There's some amount of guilt that holds us back from being ourselves. We think of so many people (parents, other family members, friends, society etc.) and things before taking a stand. A stand for who? - For yourself! We are pressurised unnecessarily (that too by ourselves!). Why again? To lead our own life! Yes we owe to our parents. I totally agree. But why should that stop us from doing something we want? Why can't I keep everybody happy by being a rebel? Yes I can! The very fact that you have to fight to lead your own life, is ironical.

You have so many incidents to make you realise you are alone. You came into this world alone. You'll leave this world, all by yourself.You come to know who stand by you, when there are struggles in your life (clichéd but true). It's a totally different aspect which parallelly exists.  So you might as well live in your own way.

Doesn't stop us from being a socialite :) But the underlying fact being, trust yourself. You're not being selfish if you're being yourself. You're actually giving the gift of another human being to the world, by doing so. How are you different if you're trying to be someone else? How will you gain trust from others and from yourself, if you're being someone else and not you?

And it is said - if you don't love yourself, you cannot love others! :)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Dreams Turning To Reality...

Siiting in the coziest corner of the house, listening to John Mayer, peace all around, roads fresh with rain.... Ah! Life! What strikes me at this point of time is the thought of my future house. I don't know why! Or may be I do!

Today was a day filled with talking about and looking at bungalows. I was so happy to look at my cousin and his wife's dream being constructed :) Watching their dream being turned into a reality, discussing how the interiors will be! Was so much fun! Then we looked around some more bungalows in the colony, majority of them being beautiful!

It's the greatest feeling when something you dream of, comes true, isn't it? The rush, the imagination in your head about the future! You have that spark in your eyes, the one which makes you realise that your dream is secure. The spark that is curious for the fine, love-fun-filled life ahead. The thought of your near and dear ones being around you in the dream - the reality ahead :) Also the time you'd like to be alone for a while, away...enjoying your dream!

Yes. I believe in dreams coming true. And I also believe that only you can turn your dreams into reality. As it is said, if you don't want it bad, you don't want it at all. So keep dreaming (though in a practical way!)

Hope you all sleep well tonight, and dream the sweetest dream, which turns into reality soon :)

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Driving At Night

I don't know exactly when I started liking speed! And I'm not scared of speed unless I know how good or bad the driver is (obviously :D )! I love to watch bike/car/speed sequences in movies!

I like late nights in general. Especially the time from 12 to 4 or 5 am! You witness a completely different picture of the city! There's a little bit of buzz, just the right amount... And the best part is the serenity around! But the city cannot be called as dead. It is serene, peaceful, calm. Especially in big cities, it is so good to see the city in such a state at night. Because all day through, you'll be facing traffic - of more or less intensity. You don't want to be on the roads at sometimes. But after 11pm is different!

The city turns into a movie (for me!) at night. Empty roads, those orange lights falling on the roads, the cool breeze! Ah! Who wouldn't want to drive at such a time!

Today my friend said, I don't drive like how normally girls would drive. And I was happy! :) It definitely is a compliment, for a woman driver especially. I know the rules of the road. And I have fun in my own way when I drive at nights. When driving alone, I time myself! I love to do that! It is much more fun if I go out during late evenings. Because I like to cut through traffic and still make it in the timeline set by me! :D And I like to overtake fellow drivers! I don't know why it gives me a kick :D

I have this fantasy (to be converted into reality soon) of buying a sports bike and a superb car! I want to race ahead! Though I may not know the technicalities of a bike or a car even today, I want those two. I will be that speed lover who has the sense of driving and who knows the rules. My enjoyment shouldn't be trouble for others!

Come November, and the next thing off my list is learning to drive a proper bike! :) Oh! I love driving late in the nights! :)

Song on my mind 'Drive' by Incubus. Louve this number! :)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Finding Freedom

Finding freedom means different things for different people. For some, it literally means doing things they've never been allowed to do. And though some people might be given freedom in their life, they're somehow not free in a few ways.

Though we hail from a small town, my parents have given me and my sister the right kind and amount of freedom. We knew our limits, we knew how freedom is to be utilised in the right way. But in a few ways, I did not find freedom. I was never a rebel to go ahead and do things that I wanted to do. I in no way blame my parents for this. I love them for the way they have brought us up. I am grateful. :) But, sometimes I wonder, if that same freedom pulled me back... That feeling of thinking twice before doing something that you really want to do, but don't fight for, for the fear of hurting people around you. And then you end up regretting or cribbing.

When I moved to Bangalore, I was much much happier, as I did not have to fight anymore. Instead, I found support in my sister! :) She always stood by me and let me try/do new things. Crazy things. Sometimes she even asked me to try new stuff, and to learn from it. I strongly believe that small or big, lessons can be learnt from anything!

It's not a good feeling when somebody does not understand or accept your lifestyle. Especially the one who has seen you grow. Has been there all through. That same person refuses to let go of you, pulling you back by reminding you of the freedom that person has provided throughout. It is hugely ironical. The person does not realise for a moment, that she/he is contradicting the very lesson she/he taught.

I always found freedom in my friends. I wouldn't have to think before saying, doing anything. I wasn't answerable to anybody. They've accepted me as I am. Appreciated me for being the way I am. Pointed out my flaws. And I am thankful to them for all of this. They do not expect me to change my personality for them. I can never do that, not even for my family. There have always been issues in the family for the lifestyle I lead, the decisions I've taken. You know, the small battles. But never with friends. I find calmness and peace with friends around. I'm a social butterfly who likes her friends that display various colours of life through their own wings :)

And I do hope to find the freedom I desire in my future guy as well! The one who sets me free, and expects the same from me. I would always want to treat him like a close friend first, so that he can be the same person with me, as he is in front of the whole world. And yes, expect the same from him. A friendly-romantic relationship! :)

Because I think friends, love, marriage is all about freedom.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Dancing away

Who doesn't like to dance! Very few! Even those who are shy to come to the dance floor, definitely feel the beats and move a bit! I was one of those shy people in college, but now? Nobody can stop me :D (I don't care if I'm good or bad at it!)

I had been dying to go dancing, but just couldn't get the chance and the time! My recent trip with office friends gave me the chance and the time! I couldn't ask for more! We danced till midnight the first evening and the second (and the last evening) we danced till 2am! We were unstoppable! Everybody enjoying it to the core, literally. And I realised....
- You are yourself while dancing. This 'is' the one time when you really don't care about anything/anybody around you. You have that 'I don't care' attitude overflowing! :)

- You leave all your worries at a place where they deserve to be, and dance away.

- You live (dance) like never before! Like this is the last day. You live life to the fullest at that very moment. :)

So the next time you see a dance floor, jump on it and dance away to what you would like to - glory, life, fun, friends! And realise, that sometimes we make most of life out of these small, silly, fun, crazy things! Isn't it?

In a way, it's life personified :)