That Hollow Space

(www.crystalinks.com)

'Life is simple, we make it complicated.', goes the line. Somewhere I have realised this might not be true in every case. When you try to keep things simple, they tend to deviate.

When I thought things would be simpler, we'd make it simpler, they got offended! When I wanted things to be smooth & happy, they took offence. And after all the mess, I am left feeling stupid like an immature child. I am left feeling guilty for what I've done. It's amazing how they can bring you into pieces within seconds. 

When you think you'd give them importance, they don't think the same way. Neither for themselves, nor for their kids. Giving examples is what they can do. Telling me how wrong I am is what they can do. Letting me know that there is that hollow space inside of you since 7 years, is what they've done in the end. When you are happy about telling them the new developments in life, they call it shamelessness. You are judged left, right and centre. They are the biggest hypocrites I've ever seen. 

Things would've been different. So different. Why does life bring you at turns from where you just don't want to go anywhere? You feel shattered, broken, breached, mistaken. You want to crash on that very turn, waiting for the one to pick you up, wipe your tears and let you know that everything is going to be fine. 

I would like to thank those who have made me realise what missing a man, who is nowhere around you and can never be seen, means. You've made me realise it in such a harsh way that I am scarred for life. I thought they would stand up during the tough times, instead they've shown me the tough times. And made me realise that they can never be happy at the first go. Their happiness comes only after making you feel bad.

Thank you for these realisations. I will never be able to see you the same way ever again. I will also never be able to live up to your expectations.

Soul Kadhi

I like catching up with friends. It’s just that sometimes the laziness tends to get on to me. But when it comes to old friends and people that are special to me, I never refuse their offer.

I was pretty happy to meet this friend of mine over the weekend, although I did meet her about a month ago. It’s always good to see her. Our conversations tend to touch so many topics that at the end of the meeting when I get home, I am always happy to look back upon it.

We went to this place called ‘Under The Mango Tree’. When I suggested this place to her she was up for it in the first go. I really liked her reply, she said, “Let’s finalise this place. I like the name; we can discuss life under the mango tree.” And I smiled... So true!

The catching up turned out to be like a summer afternoon under the mango tree, where you have nothing else on your mind and go by the flow of the conversations. We discussed everything from work, to people, to life, to how it is taking a turn in various aspects. Sharing experiences to giving advices, having great food by the side – lovely conversations under the tree indeed.

This was one of the best ‘soul kadhi’ I came across, garnished with heart to heart conversations... Garnished with honesty and love...

(Also, the restaurant next to 'Under The Mango Tree' was called 'Soul Kadhi' and my sister mentioned it is a good name for a blog. Suits me!)

Father, Teacher And A Guardian Angel

(www.larissaphotography.com)

It was my father's birthday on Teacher's Day and he proved in more ways than one that he really is my guardian angel. I remember I had my doubts about him being around me, almost a year ago. I would never get signs from him about his presence, which was very disappointing frankly. But I kept my faith in him, and ever since December last year, I've been getting signs more often :)

As I thought about celebrating his birthday by doing some charity and was unable to, I was a bit upset. Nevertheless, I decided to listen to his favourite songs that day in office and a rush of memories came back to me. Well yes, it doesn't take a minute for them to come...

Then there was a point where I got so involved in his memories that I was actually confused about his absence. I couldn't believe for a fraction of a second that he is not with us physically. And I started to wonder how would things be if he was here. Would we move to Bangalore? Would he be proud of the fact that I am a writer, following his footsteps?

I started imagining how he would react to important decisions like marriage. And I couldn't take that thought further, which made me feel guilty. How could I not know how my father would react to this? Is this all I've known about my father? I paused for a few seconds and thought really hard over it, only to be left with a smile on my face. How would he react? He would be as normal as he was during all his years! :) I'd love to know how he thought about getting his daughters married. It's easy for me to imagine him smiling at the whole idea, the whole ceremony. That smile which reaches his eyes so easily that you're lost in his sparkling eyes...

May be that's what gets us going, his smile, his attitude, his faith in life. In us. That is what makes his birthday all the more special - a father, a teacher who has taught us so many things in life subtly. And that's why, me and my sister are daddy's girls in every way :)

A World Which Was Never Unreal

A song grabs sudden attention while working and I don't realise when it suddenly brings a strange respite during the work day.

It's a Saturday and I am still stuck to this song. It is a melody that speaks about a calm night, time together, where the togetherness wouldn't want you to speak at all....

And I am taken to a world I am looking forward to step into, a world I've kept so close to my heart that it has become a part of my soul. I have believed in love and romance ever since I left my tomboy phase. As if the world was never unreal, it takes minutes for me to slip into that world secretly and I am happy with what I see in my future.

A world full of calm songs playing in the background, while me and my better half do our usual chores. A world where we don't need to steal moments from someone, as we'd believe in the song "All you need is love!" A world where we take care of each other like it's the most obvious thing to do and not something that we have to oblige to. A world where we go on walks around the town everyday, without fail, a sort of ritual, even if it means going to the nearest coffee shop. A place where I snuggle into my prince's arms and he likes to take me in his arms, without thinking I am too mushy. A world where all my smiles, laughter, angst, tears don't go into a void but are welcomed by a person who accepts me at par. A world full of mugs of coffee and chai by the window or in the balcony where we have the most normal of conversations and  discussions. A world where I look forward to sleeping next to my prince and waking up to him, which ensures that my day ended well and begins on the most adorable of notes :)

A world where all my dreams come true. Of living in peace, harmony, happiness with each other. A world called 'love'.

Simple Yet Complicated

(pinterest.com)

I feel bad when I am down. It's not about others getting affected because of my mood, it's about myself. It's a beautiful evening though, with rain gods finally blessing Bangalore with much needed rain. I love rains, but today, I have that lost feeling inside me as I am looking at the rain...

I wonder about a lot of things in life which I probably should not be doing at this young age. But I am not even sure if my thinking about those aspects is right or wrong. Who is to judge? 

Auras around me have always affected me. I love being around good vibes, good auras. It's disturbing when bad auras start popping up suddenly. Especially people who crib about something on and on and on. I am not denying the fact that I don't crib, I do. But not all the time! I get over it, at least try to. I hate to enter a place with a person who passes on such bad vibes. My whole day is ruined in a snap of a minute! Unfortunately, I've not been able to find a solution to this. I hope I can!

On the other hand, I do not have an idea of what has been bothering me so much or why I am unable to get over it, if I know the reason. Sometimes I get stuck to the fact that this world runs on money and how beautiful plus simple life would've been without money. I can cry when I see people travelling to places, thinking how less of it I am able to do. I can cry about the fact that I have to struggle/fight/justify myself for something that is probably my right. I've started having doubts about the sentence, "Life is simple. We make it complicated." All I ask for is life to be simple - in every aspect. Frankly, it's frustrating how I try and keep everything simple in my life but problems start popping up, probably because of this very fact! If only world was a simpler place. If only I could do what my heart wants without thinking friggin once about money! Money, indeed, is the root cause of all evils.

If only we could strike a balance in every aspect of our life, if only we wouldn't have to worry about money, if only I could do anything that comes to my head... The worst part is that these thoughts get clogged in my head for sometime which makes it impossible for me to rise with positive thoughts.

How I wish I could fix everything for me in a jiffy, or someone else could. Coincidentally, the song 'Fix You' plays in my headphones at this time... It brings me a strange respite, though I still don't have an answer to my thoughts...

My Prince - 15

thegrumpyowl.com

 When I am busy and happy eating my heart out, I hope you will adore me for the way I am, without judging me. I hope to see a happiness in your eyes, a smile on your face when you wipe those cake crumbs off my face.

:)

Music That Weaves Dreams...

http://www.layoutsparks.com

It's been a while since I've heard music that is calming. I was getting bored of my playlist and have never been good at finding new music by myself. I always get new music from my sister and friends.

One of my colleagues has this amazing collection of music and I've been wanting to ask him since ages about sharing it with me. Finally I asked him and he was kind enough to share his collection. 

And there it was. The kind of music I would love playing in my house. Instrumental, fusion, off-beat, engaging yet calming. The kind of music I've been wanting to find by myself. The kind that weaves dreams into me by itself. I remember listening to such music very rarely and being attracted to it everytime, like it was my go-to music.

Here I am, listening to that music after so long that it takes me to my dream space. A house with yellow lights, curtains flowing because of the blowing winds, this same genre of music playing, smiles and laughs all around with my future partner. A beautiful dream, I believe will convert into a reality.

It makes me thank God for the existence of music and for the fact that I have an ear for it.